Calm

Cough, Cough, Cough. Sniffle, Sniffle, Sneeze.

Lily is sick. Again.

This poor child has been sick more times than I can count in her short 17 months of life. This is no way for a little girl to live. She has to be miserable. Why is she sick so often?

This can’t be normal.

“It’s normal. It’s daycare,” everyone tells me. “Kids love to share their germs.”

That makes sense. Or does it…?

Stay calm, Michelle.

Toss, Turn, Whimper, Cough.

I’m sure it’s just a cold.

I think it’s just a cold.

I hope it’s just a cold.

Stay calm, Michelle.

Cough, Cough, Sneeze, Moan.

MOAN?? Why is she moaning? She usually only does this if she has a fever. FEVER!

Get the thermometer. Take her temperature, gently. Don’t. Wake. Her. Up.

100.2°

Not too bad. It’s considered low-grade, not even needing meds. It definitely shouldn’t warrant a doctor’s visit, right? No need to worry…

But what if it gets worse while she’s sleeping, while I’m sleeping, and I don’t know??

Stay calm, Michelle.

Calm – My one little word for the year is somewhat inspired by Lily but mostly by my new parent anxiety. Wait, who am I kidding? My life-long anxiety.

I need to hear this word, see this word, live this word. I’ve been having a difficult time with it though.

I’ll try to follow through. No, I MUST follow through.

So that every little sniffle, every little cry, every little ailment doesn’t send me off into a frenzy of worry and yet ANOTHER trip to the doctor.

So that every time she stumbles, every time she falls, every time she feels sick or sad she can come to her Mommy to help make her feel better. Make her feel safe. Not more upset because of unnecessary panic caused by ridiculous amounts of worry.

This is just a bad cold or maybe even those 4 canine teeth trying to pop through.

12:30 A.M – Cough, Cough, Vomit.

Oh my god! She coughed so hard that she puked. This is the second time this week! Something is definitely wrong! She’s going to the doctor tomorrow. I don’t care what anyone thinks. Is she going to be ok throughout the rest of the night though? What if something terrible happens?

Stay calm, Michelle.

Pick her up. Take her downstairs so she doesn’t wake Daddy. Make her some chamomile tea. Hold her on the couch. Turn the TV on low. Hugs and cuddles the rest of the night. Doctor in the morning.

Doctor George calms me a bit. He makes both me and Lily laugh. Lily seems to like him a lot.

“Now, I don’t want you to panic, but I do hear something in the lower part of her right lung.”

Panic.

“I think she has walking pneumonia.”

Pneumonia???

Fear.

“I want her to take an antibiotic once a day, saline nasal spray every four hours, and Benadryl every six hours. If she spikes a high fever, come back and see us right away.”

That’s A LOT of medicine.

Worry.

“I’m not very worried. She’s active and playing. She has no fever. If she had a fever and was lethargic, I would be more worried, but she seems pretty good to me.”

“So…I shouldn’t be too concerned?”

“No, I’m not at this point.”

Stay calm, Michelle.

It’s going to be fine. She’s going to be fine.

At least, I hope she will be.

Well, I think she will be.

No, I’m sure she will be.

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19 thoughts on “Calm

  1. Happy, healthy thoughts to you and your sweet baby! I can’t imagine how worried you are. I am impressed with your clam so far! Keep us updated! I loved the format of this slice! Very well written.

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  2. “Calm” “Calm” I liked the way you repeated this word throughout the beginning of this piece. I have three kiddos and only my own mantra to share, “Don’t worry till there is something to worry about.” Not helpful! I know! My husband dislikes it too, as he is the worrier in our family. I will send some healing thoughts your daughter’s way though! ❤

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  3. Sounds like calm is a good word for you! It is hard to feel that when your baby is a baby though! I’d be worried too, even after the doctor said not to, and yet worry doesn’t do anyone any good! I hope she feels better soon. I like your use of repetition in this piece. It helped me to see you talking yourself out of feeling anxious.

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  4. I like how you sprinkled in your inner dialogue. We have our own Dr. George that talked me off many a ledge as Maddie was seemingly ALWAYS sick. There’s nothing I can say that will help now, us mommies worry no matter what. But know that it DOES get better and the sickies happen a lot less often. And your peanut is happiest with you- mommas make us feel better instantly. Hope she is on the mend very very soon!!!

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  5. Good that you have a diagnosis and meds and she’ll be on her way to recovering. It’s nearly impossible not to panic but you have to stay calm. You’re mom and you’re what she needs most so enjoy that cuddle time and know that she WILL be okay.

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  6. Hey – you know how important it is to listen to yourself – to your inner voice. Momma knows best! You can remain calm and still get the job done for your little girl 🙂 I hope she’s on the mend very soon!

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  7. I am calm. I am calm. Keep to your positive affirmation and you will be living in calmness. I’m not a mother, but remember that the little ones can feel your energy more than they understand anything else in life. Be calm for her.

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  8. Oh Michelle, your poor little one…it is so hard to watch them go through this, not really being able to tell you what is wrong..heartbreaking. Is winter has been brutal and the daycare bug is a thing for sure! I love the structure of this piece- I can feel how much you are trusting your inner voice to calm those outward mommy nerves.! I hope she is feeling better soon. Excellent Slice!

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  9. We should talk. We need to talk. We will talk. You’re a good Mama and she will be ok. There will be times we’re not 100% calm but we will always…100% be there for our babies. Really, we have to talk whenever you come in. About Lil and the “I’m not a writer”.

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  10. What the what?! I’m hearing about Lily through a Slice, now? Is this what we’ve come to? You’re only communicating through blogging now?

    Just kidding. But seriously – I can’t even comment on your brilliant writing (it really was brilliant) because I’m so sad for Lily Loo. I hope she’s getting better!

    This piece gives us a peek into your frantic mind (I meant that lovingly.) It’s like the reader is bouncing back and forth with you between worry and telling yourself not to worry. So well-written. 🙂

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  11. Michelle, I remember those moments of worry, do I… or don’t I take her to the doctor! It does fill your whole mind up with every little what if???? And yes, it is very normal to feel that way, it’s called being a parent and having so much love for your child…….and no, it never goes away it only turns into other worries! You area great mommy, keep it up!!

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